There is never enough time for this or that when we are healthy and doing life. We tend to go into the pit of busy and sink slowly Into the abyss. Between work, driving children to activities, chores, spouses, friends and the house, we leave little time for thoughts of profound magnitude. This is a troubling thought considering we daydream about things we want to do. I can still remember being newly divorced and wondering what I was going to fill my time with when my girls were with their dad. A good friend suggested doing all the things I used to dream about doing when I had no time I put together a list of hopes and dreams. This list was MY list …not the list of the destiny writer “the author of the book of my story” written long before I was born.
I have had to change my list of dreams now that ALS has robbed me suddenly. I wanted to retire in a little town in deepest Devon England . It’s an idyllic location with rolling hills with pathways leading to dramatic seaside cliffs where I would live in a thatched roof cottage. I envisioned myself enjoying sun drenched windows lighting the cozy home snuggled with Graham. I would welcome guests for tea and biscuits. My sisters-in-law, Helen and Angela would visit frequently . We would take weekend excursions to Italy, Spain and France.
Unfinished lists are attainable when you have arms, legs, hands and the like. Since I have no use of any I can only ponder my bucket list. I think of how the countless hours would pass while i listened to Andre Bocelli piecing beautiful tinÿ fabric shapes together. The rich colors would blend awesomely together to form an art quilt. I also planned on taking my daughters on a journey of my origin, Naples in Italy and ports along the coast of Ireland. I had hoped to experience their refreshing, young outlook. The grandchildren I will not hold, sing with or impart wisdom to. My hopes and dreams for an unfinished career.
Instead my list now focuses on an unearthly future. As someone deeply rooted in my belief that after we die here, we move into a new home in heaven where I will be whole, drop dead gorgeous with a killer body. I will sing for more than children in a classroom and be reunited with the ones who left before me. I expect to receive answers to all the times of perplexity. It will be cool to see places I never thought possible and be able to live free of worry, pain, self doubt, darkness or death. Maybe I will have the chance to perfect the unfinished bits that will not get done here due to my early departure.
This life here always ends the same way. We never get out alive, some only get to be here twenty years. Others leave after a hundred years or so… Either way, start finishing the items on your list and if you haven’t started, get busy!